Sunday, June 7, 2015

Signs of life

This past week,  three children died in a car accident.  Tragedy.. Unimaginable tragedy. 
It puts our week in perspective.  Michael tried to cut off his leg.  Not really,  but his mishap with a box cutter ended in a trip to the ER and 14 stitches on Monday. 
Thursday was my birthday.. 39. I celebrated in rare style by wrecking my new van.  My fault.  I was literally destroyed.  I was so down about this car.. This expensive car and the other car and the fact that I had inconvenienced so many people. I have  a hangup about intent...... I get devastated when I have no intention of doing something wrong,  but my decision is  wrong and effects others negatively.   That was me Thursday and Friday.
Today is Sunday. I have been told by everyone I know, how I was so fortunate that there were no injuries.  They were right.  I just didn't want to hear it.
Today I learned this... The ability to enjoy your blessings is a blessing.  I wasn't enjoying the blessing that I had of being unharmed.  Three children died last week. I lived to see my kids another day. 
I could have lost my husband on Monday if the knife had cut him just a little to the inside of his thigh... It was minor,  but it could have been worse.  That is a blessing and I was missing it.  I was too busy wallowing on my own self pity and the mourning of stuff.  Stuff that shouldn't make me and sure shouldn't break me.  Stuff that will not matter when my number is called.. Stuff that will eventually break or decay or be inherited by someone else.  I am guilty of not seeing my blessings.  I see them today. 

Sunday, May 31, 2015

Crawler #2

William is finally crawling.  He's a month behind Alex but better late than never!

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

The Great Inquisition

 Kindergarten has proved to be a continuous time of learning. I'm not sure what parents did before Google, but just this week I've had to look up the sleeping, eating, and reproductive habits of Jellyfish, Beavers, Cobras and the Moray Eel. While some of this might be a product of too much Animal Planet, she is just a revolving door of questions. She has really amazed me with her grasp of reading and math and her knowledge of Antarctica. Apparently they studied this continent and she's always talking about it. This year she lost her two front teeth that are slowly...very slowly, coming back in. I have to admit, however, that I will miss that snaggle-toothed grin when it's gone. Addison has grown long and lanky with barely a trace of baby chub left. Her dad is not too happy with this. He thinks we should work to fatten her up so the boys won't notice her. Oh, the teen years should be fun, fun, fun for him!
When she's not acting like a little prima donna (somehow she is 6 going on 16) with her little attitudes and mood swings, she is a loving child who is always paying people compliments. It's funny to watch them be taken by surprise when a 6 year-old looks up and tells them how beautiful they are. You can't deny that compliment now can you?! Out of the mouths of babes. I am thankful that Addison still begs for me to snuggle with her before bed. I know that all too soon, those years will be gone as well. So we snuggle, but mostly we talk. It's that one-on-one mommy time that is so rare and precious since the boys were introduced into her life 10 months ago. I can always count on her little inquisitive brain to stop mid-sentence and with a puzzling look on her face, ask me how or why something is. Like I said, thank you Google! My girl is growing up too fast already and as I looked at that Kindergarten cap and gown picture, I can see a glimpse of 12 years from now, her grown and in a cap and gown ready to venture into her own life. Not my favorite thought right now. As a parent, you wonder, am I doing this right? Am I handling this situation the right way? I know that I've probably made mistakes, responded to hastily, gotten too frustrated. But this girl, she is the one who made me a mom after so many years and I am so thankful that she is mine.
Our first grocery cart ride
The twins are now 10 months old. I told someone the other day that I didn't know whether to throw a birthday party or a "Yay, we made it through the first year of twins!" party. The second would involve alcohol. These little guys are so sweet and precious. They seemed to be loved by everyone who keeps them from school to nursery to sitters. Alex can hold his own bottle and has become a professional crawler. He can get from the living room to the kitchen in no time. He can also wave and say something that sounds like "Hi". That's usually a big hit with the grannies at the grocery store. He has such an explorative personality that keeps him going all the time. Because of this, he's not my greatest sleeper, but both boys sleep for about 12 hours at night. They aren't the best nappers but at least there's that. Alex can also make this fun clicking sound which tickles him when I mock him. That is the one thing they can both Other than that, they are so different in their skills and their developments. While Alex is scooting all around the house, William sits there. He can hold his own bottle, he just refuses. He can roll over, he just doesn't want to. He seems to have no real interest in crawling either. I think his view is, what's the point? If I cry, you will come and get me. While brother is off exploring, William is studying the intricacies of his toy, trying to see how it works. He is such a loving child and loves people. He has this smile that literally lights up when he sees me. And once he's flashed that smile at someone, they are instantly in love as well. Being the lover that he is, he has learned to kiss and when I pick him up he likes to smile and bury his face in my chest over and over as he hugs me. He loves to snuggle almost as much as I do. Unfortunately for daddy, he looooves his mommy. His latest trick is clapping. This is funny to me since we don't go around all.
To say that these boys have stolen my heart is an understatement. Their differences keep the variety going around here. What works for one, will not work for the other. It is what keeps a mom on her toes. I cannot even fathom just one being here without the other. They grunt and yell and "talk" to each other and answer each other and I sit and watch in amazement. What a gift to have two precious sons. As far as stats, they are 19 and 21 pounds, a consistent two pound difference since birth. Both are healthy and beautiful. Different but the same. I can only think to put it this way: it is so cool to have twins!  Of course I can say that now, that I am coming out on the other side of this first year.
My mother's day gift from the boys

First experience with grass
Our first meal in a restaurant sitting in high chairs

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Sunday, March 29, 2015

I am not that girl

Occasionally my husband asks me to "go out" with him.  This usually involves a dark club with dim lighting,  fake smoke,  a line to the bathroom that could circle the planet and music so loud that you can't hear the person talking to you 2 inches from your face.
I would love to think that I could throw all inhibitions  aside and be that person who dances like no one is watching.. Who was the life of the party. 
But I'm not that girl.
I'm not the booty-short wearing,  sequin dawning,  high-heeled wearing person who likes to dance.. period.. much less with strange people all up around her.
My moves are more accidental than skill.  I stumble in conversations from first,  lack of hearing,  and second from lack of interest.  I mean what can we really get into during our screaming match dialogue. 
I understand that this scene might be better suited to someone who lived this life in their youth... But I didn't.  I had never darkened the door of a club until I was married
I do not understand the attraction of a woman who is wearing a dress that barely covers her crotch unless she is indeed looking to sell said crotch. 
But that's just me.  I'm not that girl. 
I show up in my knee-length dress and boots, my string of pearls  around my neck. I am too old for this place although I see many other patrons much older than I. 
I'm pretty sure my husband sees it all as me being prudish or refusing to relax. That of course is entirely true.  Although not something that I can greatly control. 
I simply am not that girl.. And I never will be.