There's something about being in a high school that brings about all the familiar insecurities of actually being in high school. These are things I have long since worked out and yet, my daughter starting 9th grade is triggering a lot of emotions inside. Its just been one week. One very long and emotional week. Monday was wonderful. Tuesday was not. Wednesday was a cry-a-thon. Math was a wicked joke to both her and I from day 1. I'm glad that we're hitting the ground running but jeez. Then there's the drama of the JV volleyball team. She needs to study. She needs to play. She's not good enough to play. She's running laps for missing practice so she can understand math. It's a lot for a young girl ....and her mother. My triggers and my momma bear are building up a lot of attitude reguarding this season and I'm trying not to be THAT mom. But I'm close. I'm close to texting a coach and I'm close to texting some kids' mothers. And yet....
It's not my fight to fight. This is HARD. I know I have to let her work through this. In the long run, I understand my daughter isn't always the most liked because she's not the most understood. She doesn't act like a 14 year old because at heart, shes 26. She's always been an old soul. She is doing good to dress in green paint and shamrocks, but she's not a yeller...or a screamer...or a cheerer. She's not the one to be with the "in" crowd. She isn't going to be popular or even on the outskirts of that group because she can care less. Well. Most days she can care less. Then there are days her heart is broken. Kids that don't understand the perplexities of the human brain tell her "I'm done with you, Addison." They don't have the key to unlock her personality. I'm just beginning to unlock it myself. I wish so much to fight the battles for her. I want her to be "normal" even though I never was nor am I sad that I wasn't. This perplexing paradox of motherhood and reliving my youth through my child. It's tough on all of us.
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