Thursday, December 29, 2011

On death and dying

I've learned that there are seasons in life. Seasons of contentment and of strife. Some of joy and others of stress. I feel my life approaching a sad season. I can't explain it really, except for the earie notion in my mind that nothing bad has happened in a it must be right around the corner.
I've thought a lot lately about death and circumstances surrounding it. We've had two policement shot to death in the community within the last few months. There's was a quick passing. Unexpected. A suprise to everyone and unknown to them. They didn't get up that morning and think, will I die today? There's is a death that comes easily for the dying, but hardest on the family.
The flipside of that is my dear uncle. He has battled cancer for a long while now. It hurts my heart to see him and the evidence that it is winning. He is so young by any standard to have to face this demon, and yet he has no choice. He knows he is dying. He lives with it every day. He does sit and wonder, is this the day? And yet for his family, his passing will be bittersweet because we know that he will not be in pain anymore. That provides some comfort.
To the dying, they are either confident or scared of what lies ahead. They believe in a God and a heaven...or they believe in nothing. Although, even the most wretched people seem to believe in God when it comes down to the final hours of life.
What comforts the ones left behind? What takes that hollow burning out of your chest? How do you move on?
I have only lost one family member in my life, my Papa. I was younger then and the trauma wasn't so much the loss of him, but the effect it had on my grandmother. I can still hear her wailing cries in my mind. But I am older and more aware now. Now, I can foresee the toll it will have on me...and it's scary.
The only healing I can surmise, comes from the sheer march of time. Luckily it keeps going and the further we get from the incident, the better we feel.

I learned a short but sweet little lesson from my uncle a very long time ago. It's one of my favorite memories of him. We were having a family yard sale. All the aunts and uncles had brought things to sell, but to a child, it was a pure wonderland of toys and books. I loved books and saw a set that I really wanted. I knew we were there to sell our items so I asked my uncle, "How much are those books?" His answer, though obscure to a child, held true meaning that I understood: "Girl, don't you know that blood is thicker than water? You can HAVE those books."
I don't know why I've always remembered that so clearly except for the fact that it defined family to me for the first time.
Family isn't just some people you know....we're connected in the deepest, most intricate of ways. We share a bloodline. And that really matters.
It also may be the reason it hurts so very much to lose family. It is felt to the the blood.

I think about my grandmother. I think about his wife. I think about his children.
I know I will be helpless to help them. There is no help to give. There is just time.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

A day with Addison is Awesome

I have some photos to share. Just random ones of my girl sleeping. There's a special peace you witness when you see a sleeping child. Sometimes, it's a funny thing to see too.

But I also love when she's awake. That's when the amusing statements come out and her personality grows. You can see her personality here.
And that would be nachos you're looking at. Have you ever seen a happier nacho eater?!!??

This is our 2011 Christmas tree. Addison was helpful and hung most of the low ornaments this year.
And this is my little reindeer. We could call her "Smitten". That's what I am at least.
Lastly we have some Christmas photos that I worked very hard to get this year. Three year-olds have Baaaaaaaaad tantrums. Let's leave it at that.