Tonight I walked into the boys room to tell them goodnight only to find Alex with tears rolling down his little cheeks. He told me that he would miss me so much if I died.
I don't know where it came from or what transpired to initiate such thoughts but suddenly we were plunging into the rabbit hole of the afterlife and heaven. I say rabbit hole because each answer I gave never sounded like enough. I again told them that if they accepted Jesus into their hearts then we would spend forever in heaven together. At each problem's resolution the child would come up with another scenario...another divergent of his thoughts. It was a tough one for momma. By the end of it I was crying just as much as he was.
I remember being that age where the thought of living without my parents just broke me. I would lie in bed and sob at the thought of them being gone. That was part of my tears...I knew exactly what Alex felt. I know how very scary it is to think of life without the people who brought you into this world.
I've been saying a continuous prayer since I left them that I said the right things and that if I didn't that God could use it somehow to give my little boy's heart some peace.
It also resurrected in my own hear the dread of knowing one day I will lose my parents. A familiar dread that I haven't thought about in a while.
Needless to say, my eyes are red and my nose is stuffy now but at least at my age, my faith is grounded in a whole lot more experience than when I was a child crying in bed. I don't just hope there's a God and a Heaven...I know that I have a Father and a home when I leave this planet. Some days I long for it.
As I gently give advice to my children, I find myself needing the reassurance as well. I honestly don't know how parents without Jesus even endure such questions from their children. Thank you Jesus for giving us hope and peace no matter what we face.
