This is what Bible stories look like in my brain. I'm pretty sure there was a particular children's bible story book that shaped my imagination of bibilical situations to include old robed men in some sort of desperate situation.
This weekend I went to my second women's retreat with FBNA. This year was different. I knew people. I could have had my pick of roomates. I had been around and garnered some respect and appreciation. I felt good.
And then Kimerbly Sowell started to tell us about Elijah's story. I'm pretty sure I haven't read one word about Elijah in over 10 years. As sad as that is, he gets lumped into the old testament right there with Leviticus. However, Saturday night, not even minutes into the service, Kimberly said something that shot through my entire being. Tears began rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably.
What did she say?
Good question.
All she did was read the Bible passage that described the events that happened after Elijah prayed for the offering to be consumed in order to win the "my God is better" contest against the false prophets. And at the end of that day, even though God had won, Elijah ran from an angry woman.. No, I didn't identify with Jezabell.
But when Kim read the verse in 1 Kings 19:4:
While he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors....I broke.
Whoa. This might not hit you quite like it did me that day, but I have never identified more with an individual in the Bible as I did that evening. I knew exactly how Elijah felt. I knew exactly that kind of exhaustion. I knew how it felt to crawl up under a bush and say...enough.
My bush may have been my closet. Some days it was my shower. Some days it was my car and others it was my bathroom floor. Just a quiet place where I could silently die both emotionally and spiritually. I have been there.
God had to send an angel to tend to this man. The angel baked him bread and gave him water and let him sleep....for 2 entire days.
I've been there too. I've been so tired and exhausted from stress or physical work, from demands of my job, from neverending disagreements with my spouse, from the constant neediness of my family, that I would have just loved to sleep for 2 days. However there was no angel to feed me. I still had to get up and tend to the world.
However, I have been tended to in other ways. No physical angels have visited me but I've had the pleasure of some stand-ins. I think about this last year at FBNA and I am overwhelmed by the friendships that have been created and the love I feel from so many women there. I'd say to "get you some" of these kinds of friends but I don't think it's something you can just find. I think God gifts them to you when you are in his will. Women that would move mountains to help if I really needed them to. My angels that would bake bread and give me water if they ever find me under that bush.
Oh the blessing they have been to me.
The weekend ended and I spent 3 hours driving home thanking the Lord for those gifts and although he's not taking me to heaven in a chariot of fire..he's got my back and I am never alone, even when I'm at my lowest. Especially when I'm at my lowest.
