Signs of life

This past week,  three children died in a car accident.  Tragedy.. Unimaginable tragedy. 
It puts our week in perspective.  Michael tried to cut off his leg.  Not really,  but his mishap with a box cutter ended in a trip to the ER and 14 stitches on Monday. 
Thursday was my birthday.. 39. I celebrated in rare style by wrecking my new van.  My fault.  I was literally destroyed.  I was so down about this car.. This expensive car and the other car and the fact that I had inconvenienced so many people. I have  a hangup about intent...... I get devastated when I have no intention of doing something wrong,  but my decision is  wrong and effects others negatively.   That was me Thursday and Friday.
Today is Sunday. I have been told by everyone I know, how I was so fortunate that there were no injuries.  They were right.  I just didn't want to hear it.
Today I learned this... The ability to enjoy your blessings is a blessing.  I wasn't enjoying the blessing that I had of being unharmed.  Three children died last week. I lived to see my kids another day. 
I could have lost my husband on Monday if the knife had cut him just a little to the inside of his thigh... It was minor,  but it could have been worse.  That is a blessing and I was missing it.  I was too busy wallowing on my own self pity and the mourning of stuff.  Stuff that shouldn't make me and sure shouldn't break me.  Stuff that will not matter when my number is called.. Stuff that will eventually break or decay or be inherited by someone else.  I am guilty of not seeing my blessings.  I see them today.