Dollywood

Family 2020

2020 Summer catch up post

Myrtle Beach ⛱ 

Hilton Head

First day of school 2020

It was a month late but it finally happened in the beginning of September. School started! Blessed , beloved, wonderful school. After 6 months of summer and covid and isolation, we were ready! Addison  is in 6th grade at ARJohnson and the boys are in 1st grade at CT Walker.

Will:always in his own time

This boy finally lost his front tooth at lunch during school. He said I ate a muffin and it just fell out. 

When time has run out

What do you say to someone who is dying. I've often put myself in the situation as the person who has been told that they only have so much time left. Not ever has it been this close to home. Not yet anyways. This is the text I sent my husband after I got off the phone with Mr. Clark.

Michael,

Paul called me today. He sounded feeble..but asked how we were doing first of all. I could tell he had things to say. So I listened as he told me about how the screws that they had put in his leg sheered off. Half in one part of the bone..half in the other. They didn't do surgery because the rod was still keeping things in place. However, he told me that if he had to face a pain like that again, he would go ahead and kill himself. He told me it wasn't looking good and that he needs some sort of hospice at this point...some end of life program. He wants to see you. He said he has a lot of stuff to give you. Things that will just get thrown away when he dies. I assured him that we will be by to see him next week. I told him that I loved him...and I didn't know what else to say. He said that telling him that went a long way. I'm bawling my eyes out right now because this man has always been more than nice to me. He has always given us a Christmas gift and bought gifts for the kids. I don't have a negative thing, from my experience, to say about him...not that I can form words right now. I need for this to be a priority for you too next week because a dying man counts you as one of his closest friends and wants to give you his things.

They don't make men like Paul anymore. Rough and tumble. Hard as nails yet soft as a kitty, all rolled into one daunting package. He loves to ride his motorcycle. He loves camping on the lake in his camper. He really would do anything for you if he could. However, in his younger days, you wouldn't want to cross him. I'm sure he was quite intimidating with that growly low voice that came from smoking too many cigarettes. I only knew the soft Paul. The Paul that was always courteous to me and still had a hint of gentleman in and amongst the tough stuff. A carpenter who sweated through enough summers to earn his degree in hard work. A man with a talent who helped us renovated many houses and build the business we have today. A forever thoughtful man. That's what I will remember the most. 

Too Much

The world is still up in arms over covid-19. Now we're trying to start school.  They've postponed for another month to start the day after labor day. All I know is this. . .I cannot  maintain my sanity if school does not get back in session. I don't know how other mothers are but I have had my kids constantly since April. There are usually camps and VBS. We usually have a break from each other but not this year. My parents came down with the virus. Addison was there with them. She has been with them since July 1st. They finished their fevers on July 18th. Today I had my daughter tested so we can possibly get her home. 

Although, when she gets home..what is there for her? I am busy trying to work. Dad is busy with the campaign. The poor boys are secluded to their computers for learning programs daily. At lunch they go home and watch movies. There is no outdoor time anymore. It is too stifling. The heat adds to my misery. I have been here before. At the edge..teetering...peering over. I have been able to step away. However each time I find myself back here, I wonder if I'll  be able to hold it together. I mostly just want to fall apart. I curled up in a ball under my desk today. I cried and hugged my knees. I just wanted to hide and be invisible. I am beyond tired and I cant ever catch up. I am beyond behind and I can never catch up. I have given and given until I am dry. I am fat and all I want to do is eat and sleep. I'm sure that's the textbook definition of depression. I know I am. I cannot get out of it though. Not today. I sit now at karate breathing my own fumes in this damn mask. I hate them so very much. But the boys need something..some activity to look forward to. I have to think about laundry and dinner and I'm just done. Neither will get done today. Poor children. McDonald's for lunch..pb&j for dinner. All I think about is escaping this version of my life. Walking away. I wonder if others feel like they are trapped in the movie Groundhog Day. No end in sight.