Entering Human Kind

Today, I'm 10 weeks along. Today we go from being an embryo to an actual fetus. I'm guessing because the tail is gone and most of the orifices are there, this marks the graduation into the human race.

We had another sonogram at 8 weeks and everything looked wonderful. In fact, Dr. Servy released me to go to my regular OB. I think it's very early compared to Addison. I was sure that I stayed through my first trimester with her, but I'd have to check the records. That was 6 years ago.

 

I know its early but I am sure that I feel them. Every now and then a tiny little thud in my uterus. I recognize it this time so I'm confident it's not gas. I've spent a great deal of time planning this week...in my mind. I have rooms to ready, not just for the babies, but for Addison. She has to move. I have equipment to get and being on this ride for a second time, I will not be pulled into the trap of all this expensive baby equipment. I am going to be a craigslist guru. Already I've registered on Amazon because everything is so much cheaper there.

On a personal note, I'm still scared to death. I often ask other mothers how they love their other children as opposed to their first. Addison is my world. Sometimes I wonder if there's going to be enough of me to go around. I'm pretty sure that its just like in the story of the Grinch that stole Christmas (strange analogy I know), My heart will just grow two more sizes to accommodate all the love that I will have for these new children. It's an honest concern I think. Maybe one that some mothers don't voice, but I know I'm not having an original thought here.

Addison is still so excited. She is precious each time she kisses my belly. She tells me she loves the babies and that she is excited that they are coming. She melts me and her excitement is part of what makes this bearable. I am not a great pregnant person. I hurt and I ache, a lot. There is never any part of my day where I'm not reminded that I'm pregnant. I am sick a lot with this pregnancy and I hardly ever throw up in normal life. But between my Addison and Michael who literally thanks me daily for doing this for our family, I can bear it all. I try not to think about my skin stretching even more than last time or the fact that I will not sleep at all the last 3 months due to TWO bouncing babies who like to move at night. Nor do I dwell on the post-partum weight loss or the hideousness of my after-twin belly. I just look at my daughter and my husband and think to myself...we are a family. This is my family and for them I would move heaven and earth. As my family grows, as I grow, as my heart grows.....I will find the relief in them.