Inspired

From the date of my last post.. It seems I've had a busy first quarter! But today is Easter. I have two 4 year-olds and a 10 year-old that were dashing in their Easter best. The service at church was really phenomenal from the music to the message. But FB had me primed this year. There was one particular post that had a picture of Mary holding her baby Jesus... And then Mary holding her dying, bleeding Jesus. That image struck home this year because I could feel that one. I could completely imagine the joy of the first picture because I had been there with my own sons. I could also empathize the sorrow and agony of the second picture. This Easter I feel. I feel so much thankfulness to my Lord.. To his mother for going through what they had to go through. Imagine knowing your fate and not running away. Knowing your torture and still staying the course. Knowing the pain that would be inflicted on your own mother but knowing that the fate of the world rested on your shoulders. That the ultimate sacrifice had to be paid for all of mankind and you were the only one who could do it.. Despite the hole it would cause in your own mother's heart.
But Jesus did it because he trusted his Father. He trusted that he would be raised from the dead and save every human ever born if they accepted his sacrifice as their own. This year, that lays heavy on my soul. This year I'm glad to feel and be reminded. This year I hold on tight to my sons not knowing which direction God may call them one day but praying that they will choose the right one.
During bedtime rituals tonight I was trying to recap the joy of our day with church and family and food and egg hunts. After talking about Jesus dying and coming back to life my little Alex welled up with tears. Still too young to understand everything he needs to about heaven and dying and sacrifice, he started to cry. "I don't want to die momma. I don't want to leave you" it broke my heart and I tripped over some reassuring explanations of death happening later in life and heaven being a wonderful place subsequently calming him and getting a smile before he rolled over to sleep. But that phrase rang out to me as the night went on... I don't want to die momma. I wonder if Jesus said that to his own mother. I wonder if his resolve wavered under the pain. I wonder if the blood he shed for me made him too. .not want to die.
I wonder if in his mother's arms he was once again her little boy.
Thank God his Father was there to make it all better and right the wrongs. God restored him to be even better. And who did a Jesus see first thing... To tell her all is well... To ease her suffering and heal her broken heart? His mother. It's a beautiful poetic circle of events that starts and ends with the same two people - a mother and a son.