Every Saturday I pick up my phone time I wake up so I can see what developments are happening in my womb this week. Seems a little off that I have to refer to a web page for what's going on inside my own body, but alas I'd never have a clue if it weren't for all of these helpful web pages. So, today, I'm home to 2 kiwi. Last week it was limes. The week before they were prunes. I am just an ever changing fruit basket.
For those women out there who love pregnancy...more power to you. Personally, it's a pretty miserable time from constant sinus issues to problems with nausea and digestion and heartburn. Ugh. And now we've started the hormone headaches. It's just no fun. I live for visits to the doctor where I might hear or see my little ones.
But, we endure because - well, at this point we have to. :) That sounds bad but, if most women knew what they were really in for, they may not choose to have children. And I am totally confident that if child bearing were up to men - the human race would cease to exist.
OK, enough of my whining.
My kiwi's and I will endure one more week and finish out this first trimester where hopefully some of these symptoms will disappear.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Sunday, January 12, 2014
Entering Human Kind
Today, I'm 10 weeks along. Today we go from being an embryo to an actual fetus. I'm guessing because the tail is gone and most of the orifices are there, this marks the graduation into the human race.
We had another sonogram at 8 weeks and everything looked wonderful. In fact, Dr. Servy released me to go to my regular OB. I think it's very early compared to Addison. I was sure that I stayed through my first trimester with her, but I'd have to check the records. That was 6 years ago.
I know its early but I am sure that I feel them. Every now and then a tiny little thud in my uterus. I recognize it this time so I'm confident it's not gas. I've spent a great deal of time planning this week...in my mind. I have rooms to ready, not just for the babies, but for Addison. She has to move. I have equipment to get and being on this ride for a second time, I will not be pulled into the trap of all this expensive baby equipment. I am going to be a craigslist guru. Already I've registered on Amazon because everything is so much cheaper there.
On a personal note, I'm still scared to death. I often ask other mothers how they love their other children as opposed to their first. Addison is my world. Sometimes I wonder if there's going to be enough of me to go around. I'm pretty sure that its just like in the story of the Grinch that stole Christmas (strange analogy I know), My heart will just grow two more sizes to accommodate all the love that I will have for these new children. It's an honest concern I think. Maybe one that some mothers don't voice, but I know I'm not having an original thought here.
Addison is still so excited. She is precious each time she kisses my belly. She tells me she loves the babies and that she is excited that they are coming. She melts me and her excitement is part of what makes this bearable. I am not a great pregnant person. I hurt and I ache, a lot. There is never any part of my day where I'm not reminded that I'm pregnant. I am sick a lot with this pregnancy and I hardly ever throw up in normal life. But between my Addison and Michael who literally thanks me daily for doing this for our family, I can bear it all. I try not to think about my skin stretching even more than last time or the fact that I will not sleep at all the last 3 months due to TWO bouncing babies who like to move at night. Nor do I dwell on the post-partum weight loss or the hideousness of my after-twin belly. I just look at my daughter and my husband and think to myself...we are a family. This is my family and for them I would move heaven and earth. As my family grows, as I grow, as my heart grows.....I will find the relief in them.
We had another sonogram at 8 weeks and everything looked wonderful. In fact, Dr. Servy released me to go to my regular OB. I think it's very early compared to Addison. I was sure that I stayed through my first trimester with her, but I'd have to check the records. That was 6 years ago.
On a personal note, I'm still scared to death. I often ask other mothers how they love their other children as opposed to their first. Addison is my world. Sometimes I wonder if there's going to be enough of me to go around. I'm pretty sure that its just like in the story of the Grinch that stole Christmas (strange analogy I know), My heart will just grow two more sizes to accommodate all the love that I will have for these new children. It's an honest concern I think. Maybe one that some mothers don't voice, but I know I'm not having an original thought here.
Addison is still so excited. She is precious each time she kisses my belly. She tells me she loves the babies and that she is excited that they are coming. She melts me and her excitement is part of what makes this bearable. I am not a great pregnant person. I hurt and I ache, a lot. There is never any part of my day where I'm not reminded that I'm pregnant. I am sick a lot with this pregnancy and I hardly ever throw up in normal life. But between my Addison and Michael who literally thanks me daily for doing this for our family, I can bear it all. I try not to think about my skin stretching even more than last time or the fact that I will not sleep at all the last 3 months due to TWO bouncing babies who like to move at night. Nor do I dwell on the post-partum weight loss or the hideousness of my after-twin belly. I just look at my daughter and my husband and think to myself...we are a family. This is my family and for them I would move heaven and earth. As my family grows, as I grow, as my heart grows.....I will find the relief in them.
My main squeeze
I went on my first field trip with Addison. We went to the Maxwell Theatre at GRU to see a really amazing Christmas dance show. I was impressed that something of that caliber was put on here by a local dance company. Needless to say, the kids were hopping and the music had a beat. Together, it was an amusing mess.
Lest I ever forget, Addison's first two little friends, Kate and Margaret. I'm not quite sure who the little boy is, but he's a smart one...in the midst of all those beautiful ladies.
There were lots of long days this Christmas season. They just wore my precious out.
I am always happy to attend Christmas parties. It's a highlight of the season for me. I love the food and the fun and usually the drinking. Although this year I was totally curbed by my two new additions I'm carrying. It just made for a really really fun night for Michael with his personal driver.
Yeah. It's a cow bench. But she wanted her picture taken on it. Who am I to argue? Plus she takes such a good photo....even with a cow.
A more plastered smile with Santa. She's still a firm believer, but just doesn't quite trust these men in red.
We had a fun and full Christmas with the Jeffcoats. These girls could not get enough of each other. I know each of them wishes she had a sister, so they were literally inseparable. Such an amazing thing to witness.
It was our first real Christmas tree since we've been married. I loved it despite the falling needles. The smell was glorious and just so much less trouble that pulling out the 9 ft gargantuan fake tree in our attic. I was too tired this year to put up any other decorations besides what you see here. I really hate that we didn't go all out like we usually do with the lights outside, but it was literally impossible. These babies are zapping the life out of me.
And lastly, who needs playground equipment when you have lawn equipment. Just as much fun! Look how happy she is.
Sunday, December 22, 2013
The T word
There are moments in life that take your breath away. Sometimes in a good way and other times in a terrible way. When you lose a loved one unexpectedly it's as if all the oxygen in the room has been sucked out leaving you grasping for breath.
Thursday I experienced this on another level...the good level...the terrifying level.
We went in for our first sonogram since the positive pregnancy test. THE test that would tell us how many eggs took hold.
I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this.
Dr. Servy inserted the probe and bam...there they were. Two separate hollow spots on the screen with a tiny cashew in the middle of each.
He's a slight comedian, Dr. Servy, as he sang part of a Christmas song:
"Do you see what I see?" He was staring right at Michael.
The picture started bouncing around...it was moving because I was laughing. Not quite joyful, but a nervous, can't believe what I'm seeing sort of laugh that shook my whole body and the sonogram picture. Pictures were taken, measurements made and much to my surprise....we could hear heartbeats on both..ALREADY!
That swishing sound was the sound of hope and terror all rolled into one.
After the doctor left, Michael and I looked at each other with wide-eyed wonderment.
"Wow. Two babies. Twins." he said.
And then the gates opened and I cried. More like wept or bawled. It was an ugly cry either way.
Don't get the wrong idea, I was not upset. I was happy.
I was also scared to death!!
So many scenarios of two against one flashed in my mind so rapidly. The realization that I may not sleep soundly for the next year. The overwhelming thought of "Can I handle two at once and maintain my sanity?" So I cried. And cried.
The doctor came back in after 10 minutes or so to check on us and see if we were ever coming out.
I was not naive enough to think that this could not happen, but I was not prepared for the actual reality of it all. Our small family of 3 blossoming into a family of 5. A dream come true really. We would, one day, have that massive Christmas dinner with everyone and their spouses and kids. I would have that large family and plenty of children to love. I would be considered a real mom... a status that sometimes seems elusive because I am only mother to one child.
It took the rest of the day to soak in and every person I told had to participate in another cry fest. But hey, it was therapy. The more I said the word "twins", the more comfortable I was with the concept.
Michael was in shock too. The entire day a fog for him as he tried to maintain normal tasks and come to grip with two babies.
We have talked a lot and are quite confident that we can do this now.
Addison is over the moon excited. She is still very adamant that we have her a sister. For her sake, I hope one of them is a girl or she'll be mad at me for a bit.
My favorite saying from her this week is, "Mommy I'll feed the babies, but you change the diapers. Poo poo is not my favorite."
She cracks me up.
She also told me that God didn't listen. I asked what she meant.
She said "I prayed for one baby (Holding up her finger). God didn't listen."
I assured her that God knows what he's doing and that he gave us two babies because he knew we'd be a great family for them. And that's what I keep telling myself.
So, here I am, consumed every minute of every day with the fact that I am carrying two children. In one respect I glad for the fact because all my pants were already too tight at 6 weeks. I was afraid I was ballooning already. However, with the justification that I have 2 children growing in there, I have confidently already started wearing maternity pants. Goodness I've missed these things. I am pretty sick on a regular basis. The urge to vomit invades my every waking moment. Sometimes I can stave it off, other times it wins. Not fun either way. I do know this. These babies love milk and meat...beef mainly. No sweets, no carbs, no veggies...just meat. I feel live a ravenous carnivore at times. I need my own cows for many reasons at this point.
Here's our first live shot of the TWINS....there's that word again. Whew!
Thursday I experienced this on another level...the good level...the terrifying level.
We went in for our first sonogram since the positive pregnancy test. THE test that would tell us how many eggs took hold.
I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this.
Dr. Servy inserted the probe and bam...there they were. Two separate hollow spots on the screen with a tiny cashew in the middle of each.
He's a slight comedian, Dr. Servy, as he sang part of a Christmas song:
"Do you see what I see?" He was staring right at Michael.
The picture started bouncing around...it was moving because I was laughing. Not quite joyful, but a nervous, can't believe what I'm seeing sort of laugh that shook my whole body and the sonogram picture. Pictures were taken, measurements made and much to my surprise....we could hear heartbeats on both..ALREADY!
That swishing sound was the sound of hope and terror all rolled into one.
After the doctor left, Michael and I looked at each other with wide-eyed wonderment.
"Wow. Two babies. Twins." he said.
And then the gates opened and I cried. More like wept or bawled. It was an ugly cry either way.
Don't get the wrong idea, I was not upset. I was happy.
I was also scared to death!!
So many scenarios of two against one flashed in my mind so rapidly. The realization that I may not sleep soundly for the next year. The overwhelming thought of "Can I handle two at once and maintain my sanity?" So I cried. And cried.
The doctor came back in after 10 minutes or so to check on us and see if we were ever coming out.
I was not naive enough to think that this could not happen, but I was not prepared for the actual reality of it all. Our small family of 3 blossoming into a family of 5. A dream come true really. We would, one day, have that massive Christmas dinner with everyone and their spouses and kids. I would have that large family and plenty of children to love. I would be considered a real mom... a status that sometimes seems elusive because I am only mother to one child.
It took the rest of the day to soak in and every person I told had to participate in another cry fest. But hey, it was therapy. The more I said the word "twins", the more comfortable I was with the concept.
Michael was in shock too. The entire day a fog for him as he tried to maintain normal tasks and come to grip with two babies.
We have talked a lot and are quite confident that we can do this now.
Addison is over the moon excited. She is still very adamant that we have her a sister. For her sake, I hope one of them is a girl or she'll be mad at me for a bit.
My favorite saying from her this week is, "Mommy I'll feed the babies, but you change the diapers. Poo poo is not my favorite."
She cracks me up.
She also told me that God didn't listen. I asked what she meant.
She said "I prayed for one baby (Holding up her finger). God didn't listen."
I assured her that God knows what he's doing and that he gave us two babies because he knew we'd be a great family for them. And that's what I keep telling myself.
So, here I am, consumed every minute of every day with the fact that I am carrying two children. In one respect I glad for the fact because all my pants were already too tight at 6 weeks. I was afraid I was ballooning already. However, with the justification that I have 2 children growing in there, I have confidently already started wearing maternity pants. Goodness I've missed these things. I am pretty sick on a regular basis. The urge to vomit invades my every waking moment. Sometimes I can stave it off, other times it wins. Not fun either way. I do know this. These babies love milk and meat...beef mainly. No sweets, no carbs, no veggies...just meat. I feel live a ravenous carnivore at times. I need my own cows for many reasons at this point.
Here's our first live shot of the TWINS....there's that word again. Whew!
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Another Chapter, Another Wild Ride
Where to start....
November has flown by. With good reason. Michael and I, after much deliberation and negotiation, decided to try one more IVF cycle. We started in November. Not much had changed in the 6 years since I tried with Addison. Since we used up all our frozen embryos on our last attempt, we had to start at the beginning....shots and all.
It wasn't all that bad and the effects were expected at least so we were a little more prepared for the emotional roller coaster that ensued. I think back fondly of my first entries of my blog, originally drafted as therapy as I went through my first IVF cycle.
This time I decided to keep it hush hush in case it didn't work. I realized that so many people were riding the coaster with me and it really was just unneccessary to take them along on the same sort of journey just in case it didn't work. And....I was more prepared to handle it all much better this time.
Dr. Servy has become a personal friend over the years and was excited to get another opportunity to help us once more. Several of the nurses were still there and going to see them each visit was like coming home to family. He reassured me that this time I wouldn't be as sick because he knew how much medecine would overstimulate me and so he had a baseline to go by.
He was right. It was tolerable and there was no hospital visit the weekend after the retrieval. I still produced a whopping 17 eggs. I am a good egg maker.
After fertilization, 13 were viable: 7 were in excellent shape and 6 were in good shape. Everything went so smoothly and I was compliments on exactly how beautifully perfect my embryos were.
Honestly, it scared me. I had some sort of superstitious belief that it wouldn't work unless it was hard..very hard.
This was going so smoothly.
I still managed to keep the process a secret from everyone except Addison's Pre-K class. I did not shield her from the process and every day, she would go to school and update the class on mommy "trying to get a baby." Apparently they prayed for me daily.
Addison prayed too, for a sister. She was adament that she did not want a boy. I told her if she wanted a sister, she needed to talk to God. Each conversation I secretly wished and hoped that I would not have to disappoint her with no baby.
In my heart, it all just felt right. The timing, the process, the desire, the hope..it was all there and everything was seeming to go so well. I believed deep down this would work.
Our transfer was November 20th. On December 2nd, I tested positive.
We are now 5 weeks and 5 days along and every person, stranger or not, knows that I have a baby in my tummy thanks to Addison.
Michael is in awe that I am once again carrying his child. Addison is elated and talks incessantly about "the baby". I am cautious of course because it's so early. But the idea is slowly growing on me. It will be more realistic once we have the first sonogram. I really need that visual. Although, I have been so incredibly tired that its hard to function. Then there's the nausea anytime I'm the slightest bit hungry. This mustard seed sized little bit inside me is totally taking over.
It's been 6 years. I've forgotten so much. And I'm excited.
November has flown by. With good reason. Michael and I, after much deliberation and negotiation, decided to try one more IVF cycle. We started in November. Not much had changed in the 6 years since I tried with Addison. Since we used up all our frozen embryos on our last attempt, we had to start at the beginning....shots and all.
It wasn't all that bad and the effects were expected at least so we were a little more prepared for the emotional roller coaster that ensued. I think back fondly of my first entries of my blog, originally drafted as therapy as I went through my first IVF cycle.
This time I decided to keep it hush hush in case it didn't work. I realized that so many people were riding the coaster with me and it really was just unneccessary to take them along on the same sort of journey just in case it didn't work. And....I was more prepared to handle it all much better this time.
Dr. Servy has become a personal friend over the years and was excited to get another opportunity to help us once more. Several of the nurses were still there and going to see them each visit was like coming home to family. He reassured me that this time I wouldn't be as sick because he knew how much medecine would overstimulate me and so he had a baseline to go by.
He was right. It was tolerable and there was no hospital visit the weekend after the retrieval. I still produced a whopping 17 eggs. I am a good egg maker.
After fertilization, 13 were viable: 7 were in excellent shape and 6 were in good shape. Everything went so smoothly and I was compliments on exactly how beautifully perfect my embryos were.
Honestly, it scared me. I had some sort of superstitious belief that it wouldn't work unless it was hard..very hard.
This was going so smoothly.
I still managed to keep the process a secret from everyone except Addison's Pre-K class. I did not shield her from the process and every day, she would go to school and update the class on mommy "trying to get a baby." Apparently they prayed for me daily.
Addison prayed too, for a sister. She was adament that she did not want a boy. I told her if she wanted a sister, she needed to talk to God. Each conversation I secretly wished and hoped that I would not have to disappoint her with no baby.
In my heart, it all just felt right. The timing, the process, the desire, the hope..it was all there and everything was seeming to go so well. I believed deep down this would work.
Our transfer was November 20th. On December 2nd, I tested positive.
We are now 5 weeks and 5 days along and every person, stranger or not, knows that I have a baby in my tummy thanks to Addison.
Michael is in awe that I am once again carrying his child. Addison is elated and talks incessantly about "the baby". I am cautious of course because it's so early. But the idea is slowly growing on me. It will be more realistic once we have the first sonogram. I really need that visual. Although, I have been so incredibly tired that its hard to function. Then there's the nausea anytime I'm the slightest bit hungry. This mustard seed sized little bit inside me is totally taking over.
It's been 6 years. I've forgotten so much. And I'm excited.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Turning 5 is awesome
The birth of Rainbow Dash
Absolutely love this cupcake face.
To recap her day. Woke up to mommy and daddy singing Happy Birthday. Wore a crown all day at school. Went to Build-A-Bear with Kate curly and Margaret Vernon and made her first stuffed animal...Rainbow Dash, complete with tennis shoes, cape and roller skates. Had a big birthday cookie at the mall and finished the afternoon playing at home with her best friends. Dinner was Mexican so she could have one of her favorites..."Cheese Chips" and it was topped off with cupcakes. She also got a big girl bike with training wheels. I don't think it could possibly have been a better day.
Halloween 2013
Our First Carved Pumpkin
Addison did the teeth.
Hello Nurse.
The witch...our newest decoration. She's a hoot really. Talks, moves, has a smoking cauldron.
The cutest cowgirl ever.
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